I'm Tony La Russa, Bitch!

With this morning's announcement that Tony La Russa, vaunted manager, sunglass enthusiast, is retiring, I thought I'd share this piece I posted at Viva El Birdos.  It's an imagined monologue I wrote when I got home from the bar the night they won the NLCS, combining my conflicted feelings about TLR's style with lots of swears.  If you are not a regular follower of the St. Louis Cardinals, little of this will make sense.  And even then...

I'm Tony La Russa, Bitch!

Whatup, haters?  Remember me?  I'm the guy who traded that hot, young prospect for a bunch of old-ass pitchers and three-month rentals.  How'd that shit work out?  What?  I can't hear you over ALL THE CHAMPAGNE BEING POURED IN MY EARS.

That's right.  I'm Tony La Russa - you better recognize.  When I'm not rescuing baby animals I'm GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES.  I know some of you read that Moneyball crap.  Well tell me this, has "moneyball" ever pulled the kind of crazy shit that I just pulled?  Tell me, seriously, because I have not read the book and only have a cursory understanding of its contents.

Yes, I told Colby Rasmus to take a hike.  Didn't like the cut of his jib.  You know where he is now?  At a karaoke bar in Canada... probably with Scott Rolen and Anthony Reyes.  You don't like it?  I got news for you.  I'm putting together the World Series roster right now, and I'm penciling in Aaron Miles and Cal Eldred.  Believe it.

Did you see how I managed that bullpen?  I managed the SHIT out of it.  For the World Series: No more starting pitchers.  Not enough for me to do.  We will open the game out of the bullpen, and for each batter, I will choose a pitcher who best matches up and/or who has not pissed me off recently.  Call me "The Puppetmaster."  No, seriously, I really would like for that to be a thing that catches on.

If I can be real for just a moment: I know that a manager is always under scrutiny.  There were some dark days for this team when it looked like my ego was driving us into the ground.  So for all those true blue Cardinals fans who lost faith, I'd just like to say, from the bottom of my heart... WASH MY BALLS!  I'M TONY LA RUSSA, BITCH!

Feed Magazine Lives!

Feed Magazine, a very early purveyor of original web content where I was privileged to write, is now back online.  While no new material is being published, the archives, which had fallen into the Internet Graveyard, are now back.

And when I say I was "privileged to write" for Feed, what I mean is I was too young and stupid to realize what a great opportunity it was.  'Twas a time, in those heady days of the dot com bubble, when a young man could write on The Internets... and make a living at it!

The site features a new home page, detailing the history of Feed and notable careers of Feed writers who have gone on to be novelists, writers for The Daily Show, critics for The New Yorker, and other things which make me feel shitty about my career.

I only wrote two pieces for Feed before Pets.com sucked them into the vortex.  At least I think that's how it went down.  Anyway, you can read both of them here.

4 Questions Which Should be Asked About the Cy-Hawk

I wrote this last weekend about the foolishness of dumping a Cy-Hawk trophy with 30-years of history, created by fans, for a corporate advertisement.  The trophy revealed by the Iowa Corn Growers today is even worse than I imagined.  It is nothing but an advertisement.

Here's 4 questions the local sports reporters SHOULD be asking:

1. Why create a new trophy in the first place?

Everyone seems to assume this was a response to the appearance of the old trophy.  Was it?

2. Why not simply redesign/refresh the existing trophy?

If this was just a cosmetic issue, why not refresh the look while maintaining the 30-year history of the Cy-Hawk?  Other rivalry trophies have been "updated" over the years.

3. Why did they choose a corporate sponsor and how much did Iowa Corn pay?

None of the major rivalry trophies in college football have corporate sponsorships.  What made the Iowa and ISU Athletic Departments decide to seek one and how many pieces of silver did it take?

4. How long does the Iowa Corn sponsorship last?

This is a key question.  Hy-Vee paid for certain naming rights in 2004 and renewed in 2007, whereby officials began referring to the "Hy-Vee Cy-Hawk Series."  It's unlikely Iowa Corn's sponsorship is forever, and it's hard to imagine another sponsor embracing an image of a family gathered around corn.  We must expect this trophy to be junked whenever their sponsorship ends.

This whole chain of events exemplifies the polluting effect of sponsorship.  Many people thought the old trophy was ugly.  But what is not in dispute is it was created by fans whose sole intention was to promote this then-fledgling rivalry.  Even if Iowa Corn's trophy had looked better than it does, it was never intended purely as a celebration of the game, but always as a promotional tool for their industry.

The "retiring" of the Cy-Hawk Trophy

Update: 8/19/11 - The new trophy has been revealed and it is a disaster.

This piece, published in the Sunday Des Moines Register, sums up my feelings about the Iowa/ISU athletic departments decision to scrap the historic rivalry trophy in favor of a piece of corporate sponsorship.  It will remain online at The Register for a few days.

Fans are left behind in athletics' quest for cash

When the Iowa and Iowa State athletic departments announced they were retiring the Cy-Hawk trophy for a new corporate-sponsored award, they also cast aside a significant piece of history.

The Iowa/Iowa State rivalry would never have been renewed were it not for the will of the fans. For 43 years, the schools refused to play, despite a growing public outcry and multiple resolutions from the Legislature. Between 1968, when the schools agreed to play, and 1977, when the first game took place, both schools tried to cancel the contracts and the series.

It’s fitting that the trophy also came not from the reluctant athletic departments but from the fans. Bob Uetz and a group of friends, branding themselves the “Greater Des Moines Athletic Club,” paid $500 to have a trophy made, and convinced Gov. Bob Ray to hand it out to the winning team.

The trophy helped cement the legitimacy of the series, which at the time wasn’t guaranteed to last more than a few years. For 33 years, the trophy has been the symbol of the rivalry.

As a symbol, some are critical of the trophy’s appearance. But what’s happening now is not a redesign of the trophy. The athletic departments are dumping the Cy-Hawk entirely, severing its long history and connection to the fans.

There was a hint of these intentions in 2004, when the schools announced the “Hy-Vee Cy-Hawk Series.” The Iowa Corn Growers are getting more than just naming rights — they are getting their own trophy. So when their sponsorship ends, will a new trophy be made?

We haven’t seen the new trophy yet. Maybe it will look great. But it won’t be a piece of history, born of the fans .

The greatest moment for fans comes from that feeling that we are part of the event . The Cy-Hawk was the best of that spirit. Moves like this make it clear the athletic departments view fans not as any kind of partner, but merely as consumers of their product.

— Ben Godar, Des Moines

When Harry Met Sally II

Given the options of funny or die, I would rate this as "funny."

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

David Carr, Pay walls and "innovation"

David Carr checked-in with another solid take on the New York Times new pay wall, and the technorati response.  His best point, regarding the value of real journalism:

When I was in Austin, I would fall asleep each night to bad dreams, prompted by cable television ranting that the world was melting down, principally in Japan. And each morning I would wake up to reporting that described in very careful detail what was actually known, not feared, about the nuclear crisis in Japan.

It's also worth noting that one detractor he quotes drops the term "innovation" in his critique.  This is a favorite term of the tech crowd.  In tech, "innovative" and "good" are nearly synonymous.  Not necessarily so with journalism.  The process of journalism - especially the beat system at most major newspapers, embedding reporters in key areas where they can get to know the players, learn how things work and be on the lookout for stories which deserve the attention of the public at large - that is not an innovation.  But it continues to yield great journalism.

The tech side of news agencies should be looking for innovative ways to deliver the news, and yes they've dropped the ball in the past.  But the interface is not the content, and don't we seek out news for the content?

As I mentioned in some thoughts on the new doc Page One: A Year Inside the New York Times, Carr is one of the few effectively making the case that journalism and technology are not the same thing.  Let me again recommend that film for a more in-depth look at how real journalism works and why it achieves something the aggregators never will.

Help Kickstart Julia

Some good friends of mine are working to take Julia, an original play by Vince Melocchi, from the Pacific Resident Theater in Venice to the Off Broadway theater 59e59.  I was lucky enough to see the show just before they opened in December, and it's absolutely a great piece of theater.

Check out the video for more information, and kick in a few bucks if you can over at their Kickstarter page.  If you live in SoCal or NYC, check the play out.